Religion?

I just had a knock at the door. It was bloody Jehovah’s Witnesses or ‘Men in Black’ as I called them, much to their disgust and my neighbour’s amusement. Well, if you haven’t got a sense of humour, you shouldn’t have joined, that’s what I say!
Now some people just need to learn when they’re onto a looser, when to call it a day. They need to learn early on in a conversation that this kid is never going to be a convert. Now I’m usually a calm sort of bloke, but when a pair of idiots stand on my doorstep spouting a load of tribe, not taking the hint to ‘go forth and multiply’ it gets my back up! I don’t go around shouting about being an Atheist, so if I tell you I’m not interested in the bloody Watchtower magazine then take the hint and ‘do one!’
“Do you not want to know about the word of the Lord?” one of them said.
“What word did you have in mind matey? I’ve got a few choice words I can share with you!"
Why on Earth would I have religious views? Here are my religious views as told by a well know gent from North of the border. Be warned though, I'm not going to apologise for this, so if you're a devil dodger, bible basher or any other sort of believer in divine beings and afterlife, don't complain about my views on the subject, just don’t bloody listen, or you’ll be sent straight to hell. But worry not, for hell is not a cavern inside the Earth, nor is it located in a hidden dimension or a separate reality. But hell is in fact located just South of Madejski Stadium, on the M4 motorway and is known as the evil that is junction 11 and the number 111 bus will be along in a minute to take you straight back to normality.

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